


Forget The Wrong That I've Done

by BriannaNicole



Category: The Walking Dead (TV), The Walking Dead - All Media Types
Genre: 6x16 Last Day on Earth, Accidental Voyeurism, Angst and Comfort, Character Death, Explict Langugage, Forgiveness, Homophobic Language, Lori POV, M/M, Redemption, Rick Grimes POV, versatile rickyl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-19
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:50:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6601030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BriannaNicole/pseuds/BriannaNicole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once Lori understands Rick and Daryl's relationship she sees everything in a new light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forget The Wrong That I've Done

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on the chorus of Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W3u5yXt9Zc
> 
> For everyone who has been waiting on this one I appreciate you excitement and patience!
> 
> This is unbeta'd, all mishaps are mine
> 
> I hope you all enjoy :)

_When my time comes_  
_Forget the wrong that I've done_  
_Help me leave behind some_  
_Reasons to be missed_

I hate the way Rick looks at Daryl like he hung the first stars in a dark blank sky. I hate the way Daryl stares back like Rick is the only home he'll ever want to know. I look at them both and I regret ever giving the famed hunter the chance to waltz into my spot like he was always there and now that the world is gone...maybe he was. I hate that I slept with Shane, hate that Judith is not my husband's. I hate that Rick now looks at me only when he has to, he used to look at me with love and joy. Now his eyes pin me with indifference, with concealed hurt.

I would never would have lain with Shane if I knew Rick was alive. I wouldn't have hurt him that way but Carl needed a father figure, I needed comfort. Shane was there for me while I mourned the ex officer, he offered me hope in this suddenly unguarded place. My heart still holds that flame for him but I ruined it, I ruined it with desperation and loneliness. When Rick suddenly appeared I felt so much relief my knees buckled, but the guilt I felt made me feel like a whore, I was sickened by the thought of turning my back on him so easily. Still I clung to him, I clung to my husband. He was here, my God he was back. I stood back to watch my son throw himself at his father, tears in those innocent eyes that remind me so much of him. His body shook with happiness which made my guilt grow and sit heavy in my chest like stones.

Every moment Rick and Daryl spends together upsets me, they could communicate in ways the gunman and I never could. Their meaningful locking of eyes, that subtle dip of the chin was all most of their conversations ever needed. No words or tongue just their souls singing to each other. I felt so deaf and ignorant. At first I tired to keep up with their language but each exchange skimmed right over the top of my head and left me more frustrated than I think I've ever been. I felt so alone and I suddenly wished Shane was still here to make this better but he was what started this in the first place. I tried to ignore them, it felt like a stab in my heart every time they touched or pressed their lips together like it was something sacred. Rick would lay his head on Daryl's shoulder to clean his Colt while he readied his arrows, looking to all the world like they were the happiest couple. Every once in a while I would stop by Rick's house just to see him, to just spend a few moments with him again. He would never answer the door no matter how hard or long I knocked. The last time I peeked into his window he and Daryl were having sex. Rick drove into Daryl with a hunger that was never there between him and I. His hands gripped the hunter's hips no doubt leaving bruises, Daryl had to brace himself him against his harsh thrusts. I had never seen Daryl look so happy, he was actually _smiling_ , his pleasure obvious. They were dressed from the waist up but the sweat of their bodies shone against their skin and was almost blinding. From outside I could hear the slap of their bodies and grunts splashing across the room. It wasn't long before Rick was throwing back his head, eyes closed, his muscles strained and his mouth dropping open to gulp air. I knew from experience that he was finishing...inside of Daryl. Once he was done he assumed the same position Daryl had, bent over the couch his fingers squeezing the cushion. I was both appalled and shocked at the way Rick opened himself easily for the hunter, he met every thrust Daryl had to offer while fisting his own leaking member. His face was contorted in bliss, no disgust anywhere to be found. I was unable to continue watching, I came to the conclusion then and there that I hated them together. I hated Rick for accepting this, I hated Daryl for taking my place by his side. It was at least a week before I could look at either of them without my mind screaming "faggots." 

Still I tried to traverse the gap I had wedged between us but Daryl was always _there_. Always right around the corner like he was protecting Rick from me. He'd never say anything, he would just look at me with squinted eyes, his mouth pressed into a firm line. His arms would cross over his chest or he would have one hand clutching the strap of his crossbow. He was never far from the leader like he was some ghost haunting him, a guardian angel standing in the background keeping watch. Rick would never would really listen to me anymore, certainly not with that Dixon pressed up against his side. He was always so impatient with me now, not letting me finish sentences before storming off. I used to love that angry bow legged walk of his but now I cringe every time he stomps away from me. I tried to explain to him once that I just wanted him back, that I missed him. He snorted at me,

"You hurt me Lori, I never would have done that to you."

He walked away from me and there was that damned angry bow legged walk again that used to be so attractive . I cried all night that night, shame and remorse radiating from me and vibrating across my bedroom walls. The dam had finally opened up, I barely survived the flood. He didn't speak to me until food was needed for Judith. 

It was late evening, I was outside on the steps of my porch feeding Judith her bottle. Alexandria was a nice place and it brought some peace to my heart knowing that she still loved me even though I had done such an injustice to the man that should've been her father yet still provides for her as though he is. Hearing a throat clear I look up to see Rick standing in front of me uncomfortably , his forefinger tapping restlessly against his gun belt. It was a moment before he spoke,

"Lori" 

I looked up at him squinting from the blare of the sun. 

"Yes, Rick?"

"Judith is gonna run outta food soon. Daryl and I talked about it and he suggested you come along with us on a run for her. You know...since you're her mother."

I was shocked. I had never gone on a run before and certainly had never been invited. I tried my best to hide it.

"Why, you've never asked me before."

"Daryl figured ya needed to know how, it'll save your life if you know how to kill walkers. Figured ya might be interested for the baby, you're free to decline."

He said this quickly, averting his eyes like he always does now. 

"Why would Daryl care?"

"He wants ya to stay alive, despite everything, It's time for ya to learn."

_He's even starting to sound like him_

I think for a moment, focusing my attention on my sweet daughter. I do need to learn, the only reason I've lasted this long is because someone has always been around to save me. Plus I want to do this for Judith, I want to help provide for my daughter. As her mother it's the right thing to do and maybe it'll show Rick that I'm not as much of a bitch as he thinks I am. I let another minute pass before I take a deep breath to answer. 

"Ok, why not?"

Rick tilts his head and nods, "Good, get some thangs together. We leave in an hour.  
___

Hours later the silent car ride is over and our vehicle is hidden under some thick brush about about a yard from the side of the road. "It'll take another skilled hunter to find it", Daryl murmurs a bit smug. I am trailing behind the two men as they part trees and bushes for me. I am sweaty, dirty, tired and seriously missing my shower already. I glare at them envying the way they seem so in sync with one another. They're silent, two panthers prowling through the night. Rick follows Daryl step for step always pausing obediently when he raises his hand and looks back at us with his finger pressed to his lips, shushing us. I trip again for the thousandth time a twig snapping under my shoe, the sound is loud enough to reach the heavens. Daryl rolls his eyes and I feel like a child being made fun of for fucking up again. Rick glances at me then turns back to the archer waiting for his okay to move along.

_Pfft. I don't see what's so damn special about him, he's still a person_

By the time the sun begins it's daily descent we each had back packs full of supplies for Judith. There was an abandoned store completely looted other the baby aisle, of course the redneck was the one to spot it in the failing light of day. While there I opened a door and 4 walkers come stumbling out, I sprinted back to hide behind the other men. They used the first two to demonstrate how to aim my blade at their heads, anywhere else won't cut it Rick says. The third one is mine to kill but when I start to panic Daryl steps in and helps me guide the blade into its brain. When it dropped to the floor the last one wasn't far behind. 

"Again." Daryl demands sternly sounding like a strict parent. I took this one down a bit easier only struggling to free my knife from the skull. The squelch of brain matter being ripped out made me shudder, not being used to the smell made me want to vomit and embarrass myself further. Rick patted my shoulder hesitantly and mumbled, 

"Good job." 

I nodded and continued stuffing whatever I could get my hands on into my bag. I look up in time to witness Daryl pecking Rick on his lips, hands skimming over the other man's body checking for wounds he knew full well wouldn't be there. Rick was eager to return the gesture, once again ignoring my presence all together. 

_They're fucking mocking me..._

Rick turns to me, he looks stunned like he'd forgotten I was even here. The hunter steps away and shoulders his bag before loading his weapon quickly.

"You uh...you ready ta go?

I have no voice at this moment, I cannot speak around the boulder sized knot in my throat but I nod anyway.

"Good cuz it's dark out now, it's too risky to go back tonight. There's gonna be more walkers around here soon, we need a place to spend the night."

Daryl grunts his agreement and walks off with my husband right on his heels as usual. I follow dumbly behind them, barely feeling the weight of my book bag on my shoulders.

Soon the woods have swallowed us whole. Daryl looked right at home, Rick looked more than happy to follow him anywhere. When I stepped into a spider web and squeaked the corner of his mouth morphed into a smile, it was closest thing to one I had seen directed at me in way too long. I didn't have time to enjoy it before an eerie whistle is piercing the air. The hunter looks back at us wide eyed like it had caught him off guard as well, he bolts through the trees clearly expecting us to follow. In my haste I fall hard to the ground twisting my ankle. The pain is so much and so sudden that I have no choice but to scream, grabbing at my leg. I get no chance no breathe before Rick is throwing my arm over his shoulder and dragging me along with him. Every step is excruciating, tears blur my vision adding a slant to the darkness around me. We stumble along more slowly now, my ankle felt more broken than merely twisted and in that moment I don't think I've ever been more grateful for Rick. He was risking his life by letting himself be slowed down when he could've easily left me behind. We couldn't see anything, all we could hear was that whistling all around us, it was deafening in the way it crescendoed endlessly.

"Babe!" Daryl whispered harshly and grabbed us both before we passed him behind a tree.

"Tracks everywhere, all around us." he panted. 

"What do you suppose we do?" Rick questioned, he showed complete faith in his hunter. I could still feel the slight tremble of fear and adrenaline through his lean frame. This must be terrible if he was afraid. He pulled out his Colt but Daryl laid a gentle hand on his wrist and shook his head. 

"Leave me, I'm only slowing you guys down." I mumbled through clenched teeth.

Nah ain't gon' do that. C'mon love, this way. Keep that Colt ready."

I gasped as the pain ricocheted though me, Rick was all but carrying me along with him. Thorns reached out and nicked our skin and tore our clothes, Daryl was the only one missing them. He seemed to dodge everything like he already knew it was there, his weapon held steady as he jogged along. He would look back frequently to make sure we weren't far behind. I couldn't take the pain of half running anymore, each step was agony. 

"Just leave me!"

"No!" Rick growled.

Then like the first lights of Christmas in the dark we were flooded with head and flashlights.  
___

I brought my free hand to my face to shield my eyes from the glare, once I could see I really wished I couldn't. We were surrounded by what could easily be one hundred people in a wide circle, blocked in by cars and RV's. I looked over to see Daryl whipping his head and crossbow in all directions looking for an escape route, even I could tell there was none. He stepped closer to Rick, trying to protect him even as he held his Colt high. The panic of the whistle was child's play compared to being trapped in by who knows how many men. The crowd starts to separate down the middle as a man stepped through looking like Moses parting the sea. The top of his head was bald, what was left made a half circle around the back to the sides of his head. His face was weathered from being exposed to the elements, a peppered mustache decorated his top lip. He wore a smile that exuded evil. His clothes were well kept, suspenders holding up his slacks with a plain blue button down tucked in and rolled up at the sleeves. He was thin but not malnourished, he was not struggling in the world , clearly he was thriving. As he walked the group continued to part, some of them waving towards us like we were some great find. If I wasn't already filled with fear I sure as hell am now by the way he strolled up to us taking his sweet time. Unconsciously my arm tightens around Rick's neck needing his support to stay upright. 

"Well well well...what we got here?" 

None of us spoke, we didn't dare.

"Got us a dirty redneck, a smart ass police officer by the looks of it, and mmm...mmm...mmm... a fine specimen of a woman. Hot damn!"

His voice was joyful, he was quite delighted with his group's find. He showed his yellowing teeth in a smirk that chilled my spine and dropped my heart to his feet. He reached for me, his rough hand grabbing my chin and turning my face left and right. It felt like his heavy palm would leave indents in my jaw. Both Rick and Daryl jerked forward to stop him. He glared at them, his grey eyes glinting in the night. 

"Tsk Tsk, see now I'm afraid ya can't keep yer weapons, and they're such pretty weapons at that. Personally I would perfer the girl but that's up to The Boss to decide. Boys...their artillery please."

Hands grabbed at my body violently checking me for weapons. One angry hand found its way to my breast and squeezed hard enough to make me scream. He only found the blade Daryl let me have tucked in my boot. Rick gave up his weapons without much fight but Daryl resists and earns a jab to his stomach, he grunts and doubles over as the strap of his crossbow is ripped over his head. He straightens himself and stands stoically, staring at their leader with blue eyes eclipsed with hatred and calculation. Always the leader Rick speaks up, his voice a low growl.

"We can talk about this."

The man laughs in Rick's face, wiping tears from his eye. "Oh ya wont be talkin' to me son, you'll be chattin' with The Boss. I'm not too sorry to say he don't do much negotiatin' though."

He snaps his fingers and we were made to kneel on the cold earth, my knees hit the ground painfully, my ankle protested the sudden movement and my arm ached from where they yanked it from Rick's neck. Daryl sat back on his knees and hadn't moved other than to breathe deeply and look at Rick from the corner of his eyes. His hair was drenched in cold sweats, his bangs hanging down over his face. His navy blues held a panic I don't think I've ever seen before. Rick looked totally wrecked, the curls of his hair stuck to his forehead. His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed in red, he looked so tired and drained. I could even see the sad way his body shook, he was frantically trying to find a way out of this. There were many more of them than there is of us, we are at their mercy. They are free to do whatever the fuck they want and there's very little to nothing we can do about it. The second in command slapped me to get my attention, I fell over into Daryl but before he could reach for me his hands were gripping my shoulders tightly, he rose his fist to back hand me but decided differently . 

"You know what, I'm not gonna bother with you. The Boss isn't ready just yet so why don't yall sit there and look...purdy." 

He turns on his heel and disappears back into his crowd, they close up behind him. I took a second to look at the officer and the hunter, both were terrified but Daryl hid it better. It didn't escape me that every few minutes they would spare glances at each other, they were speaking their foreign language again. Then suddenly like rain clouds giving way to sunshine I finally understand what they're saying to each other, for the first time I understood. 

_I'm afraid. I'm gonna lose you. I love you_

It's startlingly clear. I could read every word, every subtle whisper of their hearts to the other. My eyes widen and I realize that my ex husband and the narrow eyed hunter truly love each other. This is the first time I've referred to Rick as my ex though I now know I've been ignorant all along. My mind went back to all the times they showed affection towards the other around me, all the times they spoke without words or reached out to the other without psychically moving , the times they've touched each other in devout worship. They were not mocking me, they were not shoving my guilt in my face, they were wholeheartedly in love. They were each other's everything and I have no right to judge them, I never did. They have a love that anyone would envy and I understand that Rick has moved on from me and I accept that now. Determination settles in my bones, I will protect them anyway I can, however I can manage. I turn to Rick watching as his breathing continues to increase like he's seconds from full on panic. He looked so shaken, so pitiful. My first love needs my help and yes I fucked up but I will fix this...somehow. 

"Rick."

He didn't respond but he turned his head to study Daryl again.

"Rick."

His glassy eyes threatened tears.

"Rick!"

He finally focused on me. 

"Listen. Listen to me, we don't have much time."

He frowns and tilts his head, I know he's listening.

"I know that I hurt you. I also know that I can't take it back. No words can fix what I broke between us or how I've treated you. I won't waste time with excuses . I can clearly see that you love Daryl. I understand it now, I never should've given you grief over it. I know you are afraid but you must believe me when I say I will make this right If I'm given half the chance. I don't deserve your forgiveness, I am not worthy but I will make damn sure you will not lose Daryl nor will he lose you. Am I clear?"

Rick nodded. I took off my necklace, the one my mother gave me in a different life and placed it in his hand. I did not let go, I turned to Daryl next. 

"You have made Rick happier over the years since all of this happened than I ever did through our 20 years of marriage. Since you two got together I have been jealous, bitter and hateful towards the both of you. You didn't deserve that. You and I have not always seen eye to eye on most things but I respect you and for the first time I really care for you as if we are family. I see the way you are with him and he loves you dearly. I am so sorry I treated you the way I did. You aren't gonna lose him, not if I have any say in it."

He was shocked and flinched a bit when I took his hand in my right. I place Rick and Daryl's hands over each other in my lap and made sure their fingers intertwine. Only when I was sure they were both watching did I choose to speak with a watery smile, my lips quivering through each word. 

"This world needs all of the love it can get, do not let anyone take this from you. I have seen your love blossom and grow into something truly beautiful, I've watched both of you fight for it tooth and nail. I was so angry at the both of you but I don't feel that way now, I just want the best for you. I love you both. Please take care of my children if I don't make it out alive, please let them know that their mother was not perfect but she did try in the end. Let my children know that I love them, that I love their father, that I love both their daddies. I mean this with all of my heart." 

Rick rubs his thumb over Daryl's hand and smiles the best he can manage at us both. Daryl quirked a lip and they communicated through a quick nod. I understood that one too, they were pleased with what I had said. Hm, I've gotten good at this all of a sudden. I place my own hand over theirs and squeeze, letting go when my tears fall. I look at them with my own silent language, one I know they'll understand easily,

_I will make this right_

Our moment is ruined. "Alright. Alright. Break it up gay boys. God ya look like ya got more suga' in ya than honey buns. Jesus."

He laughs like he's some fucking comedian, his men chime in with him. Evil, all of them. When he sobers himself he's serious, 

"Yall pay attention now or you won't witness the grand arrival!"

I look up at him, tired and so ready for this night to be over. 

"Good, it's time to have some _real_ fun."

He all but skips over to the RV and taps on the door, "Oh Boss! We're ready if you are!" 

The door swings open moments later and out steps a man who looks like the reincarnation of Satan himself, a baseball propped on his shoulder. He looked at each one of us individually, his thin lips stretching into what was supposed to pass as a smile.

"Hello boys and girls, the names Negan."  
___

His short black hair is slicked back and impeccably set in place, not a strand wandered. His eyes were black but steady...surveying us. The scarf he wore around his neck was a deep maroon like he had dipped it in the blood of his victims. His black jacket looked like he had just bought it off the rack, his jeans sported not one stain, not one wrinkle. He didn't look like someone who scavenged to live like the rest of us. He looked like a King, death royalty. But what made the blood drain from my face was the bat resting easily on his shoulder, it was a deep brown like dug up dirt. Barbed wire was wrapped tightly around most of its length leaving only the handle bare. There were very few nicks in it, I could tell he most likely treated that bat better than his own people. There was a cruelness to him he could hide effortlessly like a wolf in sheep's clothing, I thought the other man was scary but this one...this one sent my soul scrambling in all directions trying to crawl its way out of me.

_How the fuck am I gonna get one over on this guy_

"Let's talk about this." Rick blurted, trying his luck again. 

Negan looked amused, "I'm sorry, I don't remember asking you to speak...big man."

He noticed we were all eyeing the bat. "Oh this beautiful girl here, her name is Lucille. Don't you worry, one of you are gonna get to know her real well, real soon."

When none of us spoke he chuckled, the sound rumbling in his throat, "Wow tough crowd. See I only tracked ya down cuz ya killed my people and when I sent more to kill you, damn if you didn't even more. Not cool dude. Not. Cool. Now I gotta kill one of you, I mean it's only fair. I'm actually bein' nice, I could kill all three of you but for now one will suffice. The golden question is...which one of you will get the honor?"

His group broke out in shouts like they were an audience shouting at a contest, "Kill the dirty one! Kill the leader! Give me the girl!"

At the raise of Negan's hand they fall silent like reprimanded children. "Sorry 'bout that, some of em haven't had ass since this shit started. You'll have to excuse them. Where was I? Oh! Which one of you will meet my lady?"

He turned to Rick, "How about you? If I kill you the rest of your group would crumble. You're such a big man walkin' 'round here all high and mighty. Oh I''ve been watching ya, been watching yer whole group. Look at ya, tremblin', 'bout to piss yourself. "

Daryl was next. "Or you...boy. Heard you like catchin' and pitchin'. I hate fags like you, but you're so tough, we'll see if you'll take Lucille like you take dick."

I was last. "Or you pretty lady. You look like you've already pissed yerself. Bet I could get a few hours use outta you. Don't you fret none, you'll feel every little thing. Have ya screamin' like I'm removin' organs. Wouldn't ya like that?"

The group shouted again,"Yeah!"

He stood back for a minute, he was enjoying watching us squirm. 

"My momma taught me a very cool little diddy when I couldn't decide on somethin'. And since I can't choose I'll sing a bit of it for ya and let Lucille decide who she wants. When she does you can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doing that once I'm done beatin' the shit outta one a ya."

My breath caught in my throat as he did a few practice swings, he enjoyed the way I flinched. 

"Yall ready?"

Starting with Rick, he pointed Lucille at each of us on every word. 

"Eenie. Meenie. Mini. Moe. Catch. A. Tiger. By. His. Toe. If. He. Hollers. Let. Him. Go. Eenie. Meenie. Mini. Moe. My. Momma. Told. Me. To. Pick. The. Very. Best. One. And. That. Is. Y. O...U."

The bat landed on Daryl.

"Well dirty boy, looks like Lucille chose you. I'll let you have a few last words since it is your last day on earth."

The bowman glanced at Rick then spit at his feet defiantly. "Fuck you."

Negan shook his head like it truly was a shame, "As you wish."

He lifted the bat above his head and brought it down.

"NOOOO!"  
___

Rick and I both lunge forward, he was restrained but I was able to knock the bat from his hand. I punched at his chest, clawed at his face and kicked at his legs, the pain of my ankle and arm nonexistent in my efforts. It didn't take much for him to grab me and throw me to the ground violently, all of the cheer was gone from his face and replaced with savagery. 

"Of all the sluts we could've come across it had to be a stupid bitch like you! What you fuckin' them fags too!? It doesn't matter, you'll be minus a head soon for that dumb stunt you just pulled. The only thing that'll be worth keepin' is that loose hole between yer legs!"

He spit his words at me, his thick tongue wrapped in more barbed wire than his bat. Each curse feels like a punches against my skin, I was black and blue by the time he leaned down to snatch his weapon from the ground. Behind me I can hear Rick struggling. I hear Daryl's rough voice seething, "Don' you hurt her, I'll fuckin' kill all yall!"

I'm sobbing now and even though I'm petrified I push myself through it. "Focus on me you bastard, I'm the one you want. Go ahead! Kill me!"

I swat at his legs making sure his attention is solely on me. 

"Fine ya wanna die so bad, you will."

I look over at Rick and Daryl, our teary eyes locking one last time. I know that I am seconds from dying but I know I'm doing what's right. I am the only right choice. I feel such a wonderful peace settle over me like warm blankets of security. 

" I love you...love you all. Take care of my children."

I lift my chin and hold my head high like I've seen the gunman and the archer do countless times, meeting Negan's destruction with dignity. I am here. I am ready. 

He snarls and before long I feel the first heavy hit of his bat cracking against my head, blood drips down into my eyes and he swings again. Everything goes black. I have done what I am meant to do. 

_Goodbye..._  
___

Her blood splatters the ground as Negan beats her repeatedly. Each strike caves her head in futher until everthing from her neck up is no more than red mush and splintered bone. The sounds of each crack of the bat make me cringe and wrenches my soul. I stopped struggling once he began in fear of him turning on Daryl next as punishment. By the time he was done Negan's smooth face was painted in blood, it dripped off him slowly like molasses. He looked like some bloody Grim Reaper doing the devil's work. Wiping his hand over his mouth he turns to the hunter and I, his anger burning low, a banked fire. He was calmer now, gleeful again and fucking proud of himself. His crowd was a chorus of disappointment. 

"Awh man I wanted her!"

"Shut. The fuck. Up!" Negan demanded and was answered with silence.

"Lori, her name was? That's what happens when you deliberately beg for my attention, you tend to go bye bye."

He points at the mother of my children, her body lay lifeless, headless and mangled. Bile rises in my throat, I struggle to swallow it down. I can only pray that Daryl keeps his cool and stays quiet, at this point I'm not sure if I can protect my lover but I know I will damn well try. He hadn't moved in a while but his stare spoke volumes, if he still had that rocket launcher Negan and his people would be dead. Lori would be alive right now. 

"Here's the deal, mind you I don't negotiate. You and the rest of your group will work for me. Whatever you find I get half of it. If I find that you're shittin' on me you will witness your entire groups deaths, lover boy here, the kid and the baby will be last and they will suffer the most. We will meet back here every 14 days. You see, Rick, whatever you do, no matter what, you don't mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it's really simple. So even if you're stupid, which you very may well be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes. Pay attention. Give me half your shit...or, I will kill you."

Daryl opens his mouth but I speak over him. " Y- Yes, I understand."

"Now tell me you're thankful"

I stared at Lori's blood dripping from the bat before swallowing thickly around my humiliation.

"Thank you..." 

Negan bowed dramatically, "You're very welcome. Now get the hell outta my sight. Boys! Give these fine gentleman back their weapons."

We are yanked to our feet, our weapons pushed into our hands. The leader smiled.

"This was fuck tons of fun but Lucille needs her bath, see you boys here in two weeks."

He had the nerve to wink.

I stood still, my tired eyes traveling to what is left of Lori's body. I could not leave her here among these monsters, I will not let them defile her futher. 

"Lori. Can we take her back with us?"

Negan waves a hand irritably, "Fine. Take her and get the fuck out."

I went to step forward but Daryl's kind hand on my shoulder stops me, "I got this babe."

I nodded and watched him lift her like she'd shatter to pieces if handled incorrectly. Her arm swayed at her side when not too long ago that same arm clung to me like a life line. The way he carried her reminded me of the way he carried Beth outta that damned hospital, the back of her head destroyed from the bullet she took. Except there was no obvious grief in his navy blues at the moment, there was only pure unfiltered Dixon rage. As the group separated to let us through to the woods Negan yells, "14 days!"  
___

The ride back to Alexandria is lengthy and quiet. Daryl's hand on my thigh is the only comfort I have. Everyone once in a while he would glance at me with worry in his eyes, I try to manage a smile for him but it falls flat. I still held the necklace Lori had given me as her parting gift for Judith, it was the golden cross she never took off. My mind went over everythang that happened, the wheels turning restlessly. I was trying to figure out if there was something I could've done and hadn't realized. If there was something I could've said to make things turn out better. I shouldn't have convinced her to come, If I hadn't she'd be back home at Alexandria with Judith gurgling happily in her arms. She'd smile at me with hope that maybe this time I will listen and I know I would've averted my eyes from her, I would've avoided her if possible. I just couldn't let her hurt me again, I couldn't let her ruin what I have with Daryl. He's just too important to me to lose over a cheating wife. I should've given her a chance, I should've listened with more than just half an ear and a turned back. Maybe then this would hurt less, , maybe then I wouldn't be carrying so much guilt and anger at myself for setting her up to take the fall. But on the other hand I am grateful to her and will never be able to repay her for the way she sacrificed herself for us. She understood that if I had to choose I would've picked my love over her as harsh or unfair as that may sound. She carried out one of the most brave acts I've ever seen and willingly paid to price to make me happy one last time, she always was a caring woman, I guess everyone falls short sometimes. I can understand that now. I could've lost him, I was so close and she gave of herself to make sure that didn't happen. I will always love her for that. Bringing Daryl's knuckles to my lips I am able to breathe, I am able to be thankful that she found a way to keep her word.

The next few hours are some of the hardest of my life. When we pull up Carl seems to already know that he is mother isn't coming back. He begs, he screams, he cries, his tears falling from his good eye. His pain can be tasted and felt clearly, I know then that he would never be the same. It takes both Carol and Michonne to pry him away from the car. They all but carry him back home. Daryl and I set to work digging her a grave along with the others we've lost. He digs but keeps watching me like I'll fall to pieces any second, maybe I will but I'm too numb to decide. Once were done I help lower her into the ground and we both shovel dirt back over her. As soon as the last bit of dirt settles Daryl is grabbing me and kissing deeply, saying everything he needs to through the hungry touch of our lips. His hands frame my face and travel the length of my body, holding me impossibly close so not even a sheet of paper could come between us. He kisses the tears straying from my eyes and hugs me to him. I hang on to him, my hands clutching at the wings on his back. We part to put her makeshift tombstone on the mound then with the press of his lips to my forehead he stands back to let me mourn her alone. I kneel at the end of her grave, her cross hanging from my fingers.

"I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did tonight. I will be forever grateful for your bravery and courage. You gave my love a chance to survive and I will make sure to tell Judith and Carl one day that their mother was a hero, a beautiful person even through her faults. I want you to know that. I didn't make things easier between us either, I get that now. I wish I had given our relationship a chance to recover but I guess it wasn't meant to be. I...forgive you for everythang, you are more than worthy. I will always miss and love you. We will see each other again someday. I promise. Until then rest peacefully my first love. Rest peacefully."

_And don't resent me_  
_And when you're feeling empty_  
_Keep me in your memory_  
_Leave out all the rest_  
_Leave out all the rest_

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, feed back is more than welcome 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr : BriannaNicole1963
> 
> Tank yew :3


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